I can handle the stress (I hope), as well as the hours, the gore, the violence and the drug and alcohol induced craziness (of others, of course) my new beat will most likely entail. And as The Evening Sun’s latest in a long line of police, fire and emergency management (not to mention court) reporters, I’m well-prepared for all of the above. Really, I am.
Can you tell I’m trying to convince myself?
Maybe it’s just my inner Jimi Hendrix talking, but my most recent journalistic assignment feels more like the “rock-n-roll beat” than anything I’ve previously tackled here at our hometown daily. It has the potential to be fast-paced, exciting and – I would imagine – even a little dangerous at times. Kind of like playing the guitar in a raunchy, sweaty, smoke-filled tavern somewhere on the edge of town, which I’ve been doing for over 20 years now.
What I’m not prepared for, however (as our esteemed editor would call it), is the 21st century. To be more specific, I fear texting.
Those who know me best are well aware of my long-held distaste for the activity, especially when it comes to the strange, alien way of non-spelling – even the simplest words, I might add – most text addicts employ. In fact, I’m sure if someone could come up with an abbreviated way to spell “I,” texters the world over would embrace it wholeheartedly.
Which is sad, when you consider our country’s diminishing skills in reading, writing, spelling and proper grammar. Not that I’m any kind of genius when it comes to any of those four subjects, but hey, I’m not a total slouch either. Just saying.
Regardless, it seems I’ve put it off long enough (this whole texting thing) and I’m sure that – in no time at all – I’ll be sucked in like the rest of you, tapping away at a minuscule keyboard (or touchscreen!) while walking, driving, reading (yes, I’ve seen people text while reading, which is quite a talent, really), sleeping, eating, riding a bike and well, just about anything else you could think of.
I refuse, however, to take part in this LOL, BRB, 2NT, AAMOF and AFAIUI nonsense. And if you can decipher any of that (I had to look it up online, as a matter of fact), I’d say you have a serious, serious problem on your hands (or in your hands ... pun intended).
I guess I’ve never understood the general population’s fascination with the all-mighty text, to be honest. Personally, I’ve always found it easier to simply call someone (how old-fashioned of me). And while I’m well aware that there are some seriously fast, maniacal texters out there, wouldn’t a quick phone call be just as easy, not to mention more ... personal?
Even funnier (hysterically so), if you ask me, these new-fangled phones which can translate the spoken word into text format. That’s right, now you don’t even have to waste time typing your texts, you can simply speak and send. I don’t know about you, but that strikes me as one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard ... man invents cell phone, man invents text so he doesn’t have to talk on cell phone, man invents voice recognition so he doesn’t have to type text on cell phone, and so on and so forth.
Just thinking about it gives me a headache.
As for me, I’m sure my new cell will have all kinds of nifty features, if I can figure out how to use them, that is. And while many of those features will be the same as the ones on my current phone (a now-historic, 1990s model of some kind), that doesn’t mean I’ll have any clue as to how they work.
Let’s see, built-in camera (never really tried that out), calculator, alarm clock, GPS (what’s a GPS?), calendar, stopwatch, flashlight (flashlight?) and, of course, e-mail. All I can say is ... wow.
All these years and I had no idea my phone could do all of this. And here I’ve always used the blasted thing for making phone calls. Who would’ve thought?

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