I’ll start today with a mini-recollection. The context is sad, but just push that aside, and listen to the message.

Many years ago, as I greeted visitors to the graveside ceremony for my late husband, we were all milling around, waiting for the informal ceremony to begin. Most friends met me with smiles, which I greatly appreciated. However, a few approached with anguished faces, handed me books about grief, or advised me that it was “okay to cry.”

Trying to hold it together and get through the experience with a modicum of poise, I responded to everyone politely. But inwardly, I cringed.

Then, my wonderful friend Phyllis Lerwick approached. She grabbed my hand in a firm handshake, stared me right in the eyes, and said, “Be strong.”

That was exactly what I needed to hear. Don’t tell me to join a support group. Don’t lecture me about the five stages of grief – all of which I thought were idiotic – and don’t interfere with my denial. Or, to quote my friend Lucia: “Denial is underrated.”

If I am going through an ordeal, and if I want to pretend that I can handle it, LET ME PRETEND. Charlie (my Late Great) always used to say, “Act as if. And eventually, it will come true.”

Act as if you can get through the paperwork, the cremation, and the funeral, and you will.

Act as if you are certain that you will get the job you just applied for, house you want to buy, boy (or girl) friend you want to marry, and you will. Maybe not that job or house or lover, but another one as good or better.

Act as if you are happy, and eventually, you will become happy.

Act as if you can survive a trauma, a flood, a hurricane, an illness, a loss, and when you aren’t looking, you’ll realize that you have gotten out the other side.

We are living in an era where whining over one’s misfortunes has become the norm. Nonetheless, we are all, bar none, going to have to face pain, heartbreak, loss, tragedy, rejection, humiliation, and all-purpose, run-of-the-mill (medical, marital, parental) Scary Stuff. And when that happens, and if we are very, very lucky, a friend who does not mind, on occasion, being “the bad guy” – is going to whack us up the side of the head with a little common sense, and say to us: “Be strong.”

Today, in anticipation that you (or I) will someday need this advice, I am going to be that friend. Today, I will be your Phyllis. However, not being as wise as I pretend to be, I am going to deliver words of wisdom while standing on the shoulders of the giants.

Pay heed:

"Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” Mark Twain

“Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength.” Napoleon Bonaparte

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill.

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” Aristotle

“Be bold, be bold, and everywhere be bold.” Herbert Spencer

“Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.” Eddie Rickenbacker

“Facing it, always facing it, that's the way to get through. Face it.” Joseph Conrad

“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” Omar N. Bradley

“Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others.” Aristotle

“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” William Shakespeare

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” C. S. Lewis

“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it.” Thucydides

Lastly, two favorite quotes. First, from Winston Churchill, because its meaning seems to encompass all of the other ones: “Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.”

And finally, to end this homage to courage with a smile on your face, by my old friend Anonymous, “How the Little Kite Learned to Fly,”

“I never can do it,” the little kite said,
As he looked at the others high over his head;
“I know I should fall if I tried to fly.”
“Try,” said the big kite; “only try!
 Or I fear you never will learn at all.”
But the little kite said, “I’m afraid I’ll fall.”
The big kite nodded: “Ah well, goodbye;
I’m off;” and he rose toward the tranquil sky.
Then the little kite’s paper stirred at the sight,
And trembling he shook himself free for flight.
First whirling and frightened, then braver grown,
Up, up he rose through the air alone,
Till the big kite looking down could see
The little one rising steadily.
Then how the little kite thrilled with pride,
As he sailed with the big kite side by side!
While far below he could see the ground,
And the boys like small spots moving round.
They rested high in the quiet air,
And only the birds and the clouds were there.
“Oh, how happy I am!” the little kite cried,
“And all because I was brave, and tried.”

Copyright © Shelly Reuben, 2025. Shelly Reuben’s books have been nominated for Edgar, Prometheus, and Falcon awards. For more about her writing, visit: www.shellyreuben.com.