By Jim Mullen

NEA Columnist

Remember when James Bond out-golfed Goldfinger by one stroke? Bond never practiced, but he played golf like a pro. I play golf twice a week, and I get worse.

Bond walks through the Q’s laboratory, picks up the latest gadget and knows how it works instantly - without ever having read the manual. I can’t even do something on my cell phone with the instructions in front of me.

It takes me 15 minutes in a rental car to figure out how to turn on the lights and the radio and adjust the seats. Jimmy B jumps into the world’s newest and most sophisticated fighter jet and, never having seen it before, he flies it like a Blue Angel.

Yes, I hate him.

I go to a casino and I lose every single hand, every roll of the dice. Bond? It’s like the place is his personal cash machine. He knows all the dealers and all the bartenders. He’s just come to withdraw a few hundred thousand dollars.