Americans have patiently awaited the day when they wouldn’t need to muster up endorphins to sit on the couch. Answering the call, Pepsi recently created a high caffeine soda called “Mountain Dew Game Fuel.” It’s part of a package deal promoting the release of a new video game for X-Box – the soda is supposed to make you play it better.

How did we ever manage to find the strength to lounge in front of TV screens and give ourselves thumb blisters without ever having the benefit of “Game Fuel?”

It’s astounding we found the energy to do a lot of the leisurely things we do without an extra punch.

For instance, why hasn’t a beer company made “hammock fuel” yet? “Want to take a break from mowing the grass and sip a few suds in the shade? Go drink one of those sissy beers. Do you want take a break from kicking your lawn’s ass and pass-out in the sun? Drink ‘Horizontal-X,’ it’ll tangle you up all afternoon.”