I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while, and I’ve decided, in my opinion, the only thing worse than watching the Miss USA pageant on television is watching the Best in Show dog competition that was on recently.

I have nothing against beauty pageants in particular, it’s just that watching them makes me wish I could be watching anything more interesting, like paint drying or the clothes going around and around in the dryer or even those horrible morning news programs that I like to complain about. I have nothing against the girls who compete in the competitions, although the tradition seems to be a bit antiquated and sexist, I just am not all that interested in hearing their opinions on global affairs, the national deficit and “world peace.”

Maybe it’s because I despise the sexism of the affair – you don’t see any muscley young men up there with glossed up lips and speedos – or maybe it’s just because I could never look that good in a bikini. Either way, there are few things on television that I find less interesting.

The Best in Show competition is one of those things. It’s bad enough when people are paraded around the screen and instructed to do tricks for the judges, watching animals do the same thing is like watching one of those Jack Hannah segments on a late night television show, only instead of lasting for five minutes, it goes on for hours.