Shayne on You: How do you know if he's the one?
Dear Maggie,
For five long years, I’ve waited for my boyfriend to propose. When he finally did, it was the happiest day of my life. But now that my wedding day is almost here, I’m having doubts. We’re so different! I’m a vegetarian, and he likes meat. I enjoy country music, but he likes metal. I’m a liberal and he’s slightly right of center. I love cats, and he loves dogs. There are so many differences between us! How can we expect to be happy together when we’re total opposites in so many ways? Should I be re-thinking this? Is there any way to really be sure? I wish there was a quiz we could take that would tell us if we’ll make it or not, so I could be sure before the wedding! Help!
Signed,
Bride to Be, or Not to Be
Dear Bride,
Here’s the first thing. There’s no way to be sure of anything. Ever. You might be 100% sure of what you want today, and tomorrow, that might be something very different. We grow and change and evolve every day of our lives. That’s what life is about. So you’re never sure about tomorrow. The best you can do is be sure about today.
So here you are today. And you’re worrying about all the areas in which you two differ. Tell me, have those differences been a problem up to now? Have they caused a rift between you? Have they prevented your relationship from growing deeper or the two of you from enjoying each other? I don’t think they have, because here you are planning your wedding.
You’re not supposed to spend all your time with someone who agrees with you on everything, and thinks the same way you do all the time. (Otherwise, we’d all be content with just ourselves.) Besides, that would make you both extremely boring and eventually, quite closed minded. Ah, but being with someone who sees things from a different angle, now that keeps you interesting. It keeps your mind sharp, it makes you give your own opinions more thought, and helps you understand other points of view, even if you don’t agree with them.
You know, you can have both a cat and a dog. I do. You can have both country and metal music at the wedding. You can fit veggies and meat in the same fridge. But since you asked, there is a quiz that will tell you whether right now, today, you are making the right decision by marrying this guy. I’m going to give it to you right now, just to ease your mind.
Question number 1: Do you love him?
Question number 2: Does he love you?
If you can answer yes to both of those questions, then there are no differences you can’t overcome, as long as you both want to. The secret is to always focus on the things you love about each other, and totally ignore the things you don’t. If you can do that consistently, and find joy in every moment by living each one to the fullest, you’ll have a long and happy life, and everything will always work out for you. Including marriage.
Now go have a great wedding, and be happy!
Maggie
“Bride to Be” has now been entered in our summer book giveaway. When we use your letter in this column, you are automatically entered to win an autographed copy of Maggie’s latest bestseller! So write in today for you chance to win, before time runs out!
For five long years, I’ve waited for my boyfriend to propose. When he finally did, it was the happiest day of my life. But now that my wedding day is almost here, I’m having doubts. We’re so different! I’m a vegetarian, and he likes meat. I enjoy country music, but he likes metal. I’m a liberal and he’s slightly right of center. I love cats, and he loves dogs. There are so many differences between us! How can we expect to be happy together when we’re total opposites in so many ways? Should I be re-thinking this? Is there any way to really be sure? I wish there was a quiz we could take that would tell us if we’ll make it or not, so I could be sure before the wedding! Help!
Signed,
Bride to Be, or Not to Be
Dear Bride,
Here’s the first thing. There’s no way to be sure of anything. Ever. You might be 100% sure of what you want today, and tomorrow, that might be something very different. We grow and change and evolve every day of our lives. That’s what life is about. So you’re never sure about tomorrow. The best you can do is be sure about today.
So here you are today. And you’re worrying about all the areas in which you two differ. Tell me, have those differences been a problem up to now? Have they caused a rift between you? Have they prevented your relationship from growing deeper or the two of you from enjoying each other? I don’t think they have, because here you are planning your wedding.
You’re not supposed to spend all your time with someone who agrees with you on everything, and thinks the same way you do all the time. (Otherwise, we’d all be content with just ourselves.) Besides, that would make you both extremely boring and eventually, quite closed minded. Ah, but being with someone who sees things from a different angle, now that keeps you interesting. It keeps your mind sharp, it makes you give your own opinions more thought, and helps you understand other points of view, even if you don’t agree with them.
You know, you can have both a cat and a dog. I do. You can have both country and metal music at the wedding. You can fit veggies and meat in the same fridge. But since you asked, there is a quiz that will tell you whether right now, today, you are making the right decision by marrying this guy. I’m going to give it to you right now, just to ease your mind.
Question number 1: Do you love him?
Question number 2: Does he love you?
If you can answer yes to both of those questions, then there are no differences you can’t overcome, as long as you both want to. The secret is to always focus on the things you love about each other, and totally ignore the things you don’t. If you can do that consistently, and find joy in every moment by living each one to the fullest, you’ll have a long and happy life, and everything will always work out for you. Including marriage.
Now go have a great wedding, and be happy!
Maggie
“Bride to Be” has now been entered in our summer book giveaway. When we use your letter in this column, you are automatically entered to win an autographed copy of Maggie’s latest bestseller! So write in today for you chance to win, before time runs out!
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