Dear Maggie,
I am deeply in love with a man who doesn’t return my feelings. He loved me once, but now he’s in love with someone else. I always thought we’d be together forever. You keep saying that we sort of have influence over everything that happens to us, but I don’t seem to have any power at all over his feelings for me. I don’t want to live without him. I can’t be happy without him. I don’t see any possible solution for me. I don’t see any way I can ever be happy again. Please tell me how to make sense out of this, because it doesn’t make any sense to me.
Heartbroken & Hopeless

Dear Heartbroken,
This is one of the most difficult situations to get through, for anyone, so don’t think it’s just you. But let me see if I can help you steer through it a little bit better. You’ve had your heart broken by a man who doesn’t return your love, so in a way, you’ve never been more clear about what you want – you want a man who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. You want that man to be one you can love just as passionately and deeply as you’ve ever loved before. You want it to be this particular man.
The thing about creating our own reality is that the key words are “our own.” We can’t control anyone else’s actions or feelings. The key for us is never, ever to let our own happiness depend on anyone else’s actions.
So you know what you don’t want, thanks to this heartbreak, which means you know what you do want. And as soon as you know clearly what you want, a part of heaven sort of shoots forward and becomes it. And the only step left is for you to receive it. And that’s where the problem is. Because right now, you’re still focusing on what you don’t want. You don’t want to be without this particular man. You hate that he doesn’t love you back. You refuse to be happy without him. It’s all about the things you don’t want. You can’t even think about him without being painfully aware that you don’t have him.
So I have to tell you, the only way for you to get past this pain is to stop focusing on him at all. When you can do that, and shift your feelings from mostly bad to mostly good, everything will change. And one of two things will happen. Either he’ll come back to you, or you’ll fall madly in love with someone else, someone who loves you just as much. And you’ll wonder why you ever thought you could never be happy again, because it’ll be so perfect for you.
So here’s your recipe. Fill your time with things that you like and enjoy. It’s going to feel like you’re forcing it at first, but do it anyway. Spend as much time doing fun things as you possibly can. Be with people you feel good about, and who help you feel good about yourself. Every time you find yourself thinking of him and feeling bad, you need to get out, move, run, walk, bike, go to a movie, shop, pet a kitten, hang with your friends, travel, do anything to get your attention off him and onto something else. Force yourself to date other people, and make it on your terms. You can be as casual as you want. You don’t need to be looking for a life partner here. You just want to have fun and get your mind off your broken heart.
By doing this, you are taking control of your own life. You’re making a decision that you’re not going to spend your entire life sad. You’re going to spend it happy. And then you’re going about making that happen. Your happiness doesn’t depend on what he does. If you let it, you’ve given away your own power. Your happiness depends on you. So get a little bit happier, and a little bit happier. The fuller your life becomes, the happier you’ll be. And if you do this consistently, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re not forcing it anymore. You really are feeling good again. And when that happens, the rest will fall into place for you. Trust me. It’s all about how you feel inside. That’s where this creating reality thing begins. So if you’re feeling bad, you’re creating a really unpleasant reality for yourself. Don’t let that happen.
Best,
Maggie