OXFORD – A local woman whose father committed suicide is reaching out to others in the area who have suffered a similar loss.
Danielle Marshman Williamson lost her father, Dan Marshman, in 2001. The healing process has been a long and arduous one, made even more painful by the stigma attached to suicide deaths.
By starting a local support group, sharing her story and participating in a national broadcast in honor of National Survivors of Suicide Day, Williamson said she hopes that she can assist others who have lost family members to suicide.
When her father killed himself eight years ago, Williamson was devastated. She was living in Massachusetts at the time of his death, hundreds of miles from her mother and brother. She said she felt all alone in dealing with the loss. “I had no one,” she said.
Williamson took it upon herself to search for information and support in her area. She said it was more than a year before she attended her first support group.
Her true breakthrough came, she said, when she stumbled across information on the internet about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
“They had the best information for survivors,” Williamson explained.
Three years after her father’s death, she attended a conference hosted by AFSP.
“It was the first place that I ever felt comfortable enough to say my father killed himself,” she said.
Since that time, the Oxford native has attended a number of other conferences, workshops and events sponsored by the organization. There is always that same comfort level, she said, which helps provide a safe place to share and heal.
“From the minute you walk in, you know there are other people there that know what you’re going through,” she said. “That stigma is not there.” It is this atmosphere that she hopes to create in a monthly support group she plans to start this December at the United Methodist Church in Oxford.
This is Williamson’s second attempt at starting a local support network. Her first effort, made a couple of years ago, was unsuccessful. After attending an AFSP sponsored Suicide Survivor Support Group Facilitator Training, she now understands why.
“I was doing it all wrong,” she explained. “You’re supposed to be strong enough to not have to be there for yourself.” She admits that at the time, she wasn’t.
Williamson said she hopes that the information she has gathered in her research will assist others as they begin the grieving and healing process.
In addition to starting the support group, she is also writing letters to local law enforcement, fire departments and aid organizations. In the missive, she describes her personal journey and shares conclusions she has drawn from that experience.
“...[B]eing a suicide survivor is a completely different grief, a different process, and unless you have been through it, you do not know and will never know the pain it causes,” she states in the letter.
One of the barriers for survivors of suicide loss, Williamson explained, is that the topic is often considered “taboo” in our society.
“Not only do we have to get through it ourselves, but we also have to educate others on how to [deal with suicide],” she explained. “People need to understand that it is a legitimate illness.”
“My father hung himself,” she said. While she knows that can be hard for other people to hear, she said it is a fundamental part of dealing with the reality of suicide. “You can’t be gentle about it. You have to come out and be blunt.”
Williamson will host an event from noon to 4 p.m. this Saturday in honor of National Survivors of Suicide Day. The program, which will revolve around an AFSP national broadcast, will be held at Oxford’s United Methodist Church, 36 South Washington Ave.
“We encourage anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide to attend,” said Williamson. A discussion will follow the broadcast and lunch will be provided.
Despite her initial trepidation about approaching the church, she has the full support of both Pastor John Martin and the congregation.
Martin said he believes that one of the church’s fundamental roles is “being there for people and offering opportunities for support.” Helping Williamson in her efforts supports that goal.
“In our society, [suicide] is something that people are afraid to talk about... unfortunately that only leads to more isolation,” Martin said. He said he believes that the programs Williamson is planning will be helpful in connecting people.
“We really hope that this works out that way,” said Martin.
For information on Saturday’s event or about the support group, contact Williamson at 343-6036 or by email at drmarshman@yahoo.com.