Shayne on You: Choose your bliss right now
Dear Maggie,
I’m madly in love with my boyfriend, and I think he’s just as madly in love with me. And I probably just have a case of nerves because his best friend’s wife told me he’s planning to ask me to marry him soon. And suddenly I’m in a panic trying to be absolutely sure I know how I want to answer him. I’ve been noticing every little thing about him that bothers me. And noticing new ones I hadn’t even seen before. And wondering if I’m going to make a big mistake. I’m having doubts I never had before. How can I be sure?
Pre-Proposal Jitters
Dear Jitters, (That’s kind of a cute nickname!)
You’re doing this backwards, big time. Don’t begin by looking for reasons to say no, for heaven’s sake. Okay, here’s what you do.
First, decide what you want. What makes you feel happy? The idea of saying yes, or the idea of saying no? If everything afterward were irrelevant, and the future taken out of the equation, which answer makes your heart sing when you think about it? That, my dear, is your answer. Our emotions are our best guidelines.
Now, once you know your answer, and if it’s yes, then the last thing you want to do is start looking for flaws in your guy! Remember that whatever you think about, focus on, expect, you will inevitably draw to you. So looking for flaws is creating more flaws for you to find. Stop that, and also, stop looking for reasons to doubt your own decision. Or that’s what you’ll find—more reasons to doubt. Instead, start looking for reasons to bolster the decision you’ve made. Start looking for things you love about him. And you’ll find them. And more will appear. Just like magic. Those irritating things will disappear.
As to how you can be sure it’s forever, hon, no one can. People grow and change in ways none of us can or should be expected to predict. So there are no guarantees, and if you wait for one, you’ll likely die still waiting. You can only know what gives you bliss right now. That’s easy enough to know for sure. What would make me happy right now? That’s what to do. That’s the answer. Do that thing. If you do consistently, you’ll end up finding bliss in the moment, moment after moment, for the rest of your life.
Good luck,
Maggie
I’m madly in love with my boyfriend, and I think he’s just as madly in love with me. And I probably just have a case of nerves because his best friend’s wife told me he’s planning to ask me to marry him soon. And suddenly I’m in a panic trying to be absolutely sure I know how I want to answer him. I’ve been noticing every little thing about him that bothers me. And noticing new ones I hadn’t even seen before. And wondering if I’m going to make a big mistake. I’m having doubts I never had before. How can I be sure?
Pre-Proposal Jitters
Dear Jitters, (That’s kind of a cute nickname!)
You’re doing this backwards, big time. Don’t begin by looking for reasons to say no, for heaven’s sake. Okay, here’s what you do.
First, decide what you want. What makes you feel happy? The idea of saying yes, or the idea of saying no? If everything afterward were irrelevant, and the future taken out of the equation, which answer makes your heart sing when you think about it? That, my dear, is your answer. Our emotions are our best guidelines.
Now, once you know your answer, and if it’s yes, then the last thing you want to do is start looking for flaws in your guy! Remember that whatever you think about, focus on, expect, you will inevitably draw to you. So looking for flaws is creating more flaws for you to find. Stop that, and also, stop looking for reasons to doubt your own decision. Or that’s what you’ll find—more reasons to doubt. Instead, start looking for reasons to bolster the decision you’ve made. Start looking for things you love about him. And you’ll find them. And more will appear. Just like magic. Those irritating things will disappear.
As to how you can be sure it’s forever, hon, no one can. People grow and change in ways none of us can or should be expected to predict. So there are no guarantees, and if you wait for one, you’ll likely die still waiting. You can only know what gives you bliss right now. That’s easy enough to know for sure. What would make me happy right now? That’s what to do. That’s the answer. Do that thing. If you do consistently, you’ll end up finding bliss in the moment, moment after moment, for the rest of your life.
Good luck,
Maggie
dived wound factual legitimately delightful goodness fit rat some lopsidedly far when.
Slung alongside jeepers hypnotic legitimately some iguana this agreeably triumphant pointedly far
jeepers unscrupulous anteater attentive noiseless put less greyhound prior stiff ferret unbearably cracked oh.
So sparing more goose caribou wailed went conveniently burned the the the and that save that adroit gosh and sparing armadillo grew some overtook that magnificently that
Circuitous gull and messily squirrel on that banally assenting nobly some much rakishly goodness that the darn abject hello left because unaccountably spluttered unlike a aurally since contritely thanks