Dear Maggie,
My sister and I had a falling out fifteen years ago, when she had an affair with my fiancé. Her husband forgave her and took her back, and they’ve lived happily ever since. I dumped them both, haven’t spoken to either of them since, and have no desire to change that. I hate them and will until I die. And I’ve stayed single by choice. I learned my lesson the first time, thanks. I want no more to do with men.
But as a result of not speaking to my sister, I’ve missed out on the lives of her kids, my niece and nephew. Now my nephew is about to graduate high school, and to my surprise, I recceived an invitation to the party. I don’t know if my sister sent it, or if my nephew sent it without telling her. I don’t know what to do. I want to begin rebuilding my relationship with the kids, but I’m not ready to forgive my sister. Help!
Signed,
Woman Scorned

Dear WS,
Fifteen years is a long time to hold a grudge. How is it working out for you so far? You’re filled with hate and anger. You’ve sworn off men, so you’re missing out on some of the greatest things in life. Falling in love. Fabulous sex. Having an ally, one person who’s got your back in any situation. You’ve sworn off your sister, too. In effect, you’ve sworn off your own happiness. One cannot be happy and actively hateful at the same time. Your higher self, the part of you that is also part of the Divine, loves and forgives them both. So you are torn. The you that you’re letting yourself be (the one here on planet Earth) and the you that you truly are (the higher self) are in discord. There is no peace for you while you’re in that state.
You don’t have to renew your relationship with your sister, unless you want to. You don’t owe her a thing. But you do have to forgive her and let the past die – for you. It’s over. Let it go. Get to feeling good again. Get to feeling joyful again. Get to relishing life again. Or maybe for the first time.
If your past experience means you expect all men to be like your ex-fiancé, then it’s probably just as well you haven’t been dating. They’re the only kind you could attract while believing that. So work on changing that belief, just in case. Start expecting good things from the men you know, and you’ll find that instead. Before long, you’ll believe, really believe, that the entire gender isn’t a lost cause after all. :)
You should not let another person’s actions control what you do with your own life. Don’t give anyone so much power over you.
As for the party, I suggest you send a gift, and enclose a note letting your nephew know you would welcome the opportunity to become closer again. Suggest a lunch date, mall trip, ballgame or the like. A yard full of friends and relatives isn’t the time or place for a long overdue reunion. That requires one on one time.