Dear Maggie,

I have to travel several times a year for my career, but my husband has never been comfortable with that. He can’t accompany me, due to his own job’s demands, and he knows it’s utterly vital that I take these trips. But he misses me so much when I’m away that I spend the entire time worrying about him. Our phone calls are always so difficult and I end up feeling guilty for hours after talking to him. I don’t know what to do to fix this situation. I have to travel, so giving it up isn’t an option. I realize I ought to be glad he loves me that much. But how do I change the way he reacts to my travel schedule?

Signed,

Torn

Dear Torn,

His reactions to your traveling aren’t based on how much he loves you. Not at all. Loving behavior doesn’t make the beloved one feel badly about having to leave. Love says just deal, and be happy and wish your partner a successful trip. But your guy is heaping loads of guilt onto you so that your focus is on him and not on what you’re there to do. His behavior is based on insecurity. He is (whether he knows it or not) threatened in some way by your career or your travel, and that may or may not be justified.