Actor Mel Gibson – in director Richard Donner’s 1997 motion picture “Conspiracy Theory” – states something along the lines of, “A good conspiracy is an unprovable one ... if you can prove it, somebody has screwed up.” Which is probably why there are so many of the damn things (conspiracy theories, I mean) kicking around nowadays. Add to that the technological marvel that is the Internet (and all the misinformation that can be found therein), and it’s no surprise we’ve been inundated by an ever-growing number of fantastical, dastardly plots and schemes, founded or unfounded.
And this Big Brother-is-watching mentality begins right here on the local level. In fact, there’s a trio (and then some) of ‘30 Seconds’ callers who regularly phone in with their own brand of crazy: one who’s convinced that alien spacecraft can be spotted in the airspace above West Hill (ridiculous, because I’ve been watching for them for years now); another who’s positive the big, bad government is transporting nuclear weapons along the Route 12 corridor (hey, you never know); and a third who’s so paranoid that the local authorities are “out to get him,” well, let’s just say he is – beyond any shadow of a doubt – not all there, if you get my meaning.
What can I say? A little common sense never hurt anyone and – as the saying goes – sometimes you just can’t fix crazy.
Then, of course, you’ve got your big dogs, those conspiracy theories that go straight to the top, from Pearl Harbor to 9/11, the New World Order, the Kennedy assassination (all assassinations, really) and the Apollo moon landing.
More recently, you have President Barack Obama’s false American citizenship (these crazies are still out there, believe it or not), climate change, the “staged” death of Osama bin Laden and your run-of-the-mill, everyday end of the world prediction.
And to think Dec. 21, 2012 is right around the corner. Visit www.december212012.com for more information.
Me? I’ve always been something of a conspiracy theorist myself, even if it’s just for kicks. I guess you could say it’s kind of like the National Enquirer; some people read it for a laugh (due to its absolute ridiculousness), while others absorb every word ... every headline. You know the ones, they can be found in every grocery store across America, shouting their inanities out loud while shoving the latest copy of – insert favorite tabloid here – in some unsuspecting individual’s face. Some poor guy or gal who’s just trying to pick up a gallon of milk or dozen eggs.
They’re out there, so watch yourself. And by out there, I mean ... well ... out there.
One thing I haven’t seen, however, are any proven conspiracy theories, be it hostile alien forces on the brink of attacking and enslaving the human race; the creation of a biological virus that will soon begin to turn the living into rabid, ravenous zombies; or even the government’s creation of – and involvement in – immoral (if not illegal) wars all across the Middle East.
Oh, wait a minute, that last one actually has been proven, hasn’t it? Darn those pesky weapons of mass destruction, let’s find a country (rich with untapped oil reserves), blow it up, and then rebuild it from the ground up.
Maybe I’m more of a conspiracy theorist than I thought.

Follow me on Twitter ... @evesunbrian.